Today is the 6-month anniversary of Justin's death.
I've been thinking about the word anniversary. It seems fairly positive, as it's used in wedding anniversaries. But also it seems to have a serious ceremonial overtone, which is what I feel right now.
My world needs a little more ceremony. I am sometimes jealous of Catholics, because of all the ceremony and dogma that comes with the religion. Unitarianism would do well to follow their lead.
My ceremony for this anniversary was just to sit and listen to the song that reminds me of him. I also looked at some pictures on my computer, but not exactly on purpose, as I'll explain later. It felt nice doing that. My other little ceremony has been to wear black every Tuesday since the day he died. I think it would be more appropriate to wear green, but black is more somber.
It's interesting that today is both a Tuesday and a 14th, I don't think that the calender always works out like that.
The subconcious is also something I've been pondering. I hadn't been thinking about this anniversary at all. I hadn't worked out what month it would fall in, although it would have been pretty simple to do, on hindsight.
Even so, I woke up around 6:30 this morning for absolutely no reason at all. I felt sick to my stomach, and I began to read my way through the copies of Sandman comics I own, ending with "The Wake." I imported some photos into my computer, and ended up looking through the pictures of Justin. I continued to feel ill, until a few minutes ago when I realized what day it was. Strange, how things like that can sneak up on you conpletely unawares. And your subconcious keeps track of it all.